Pass The Wine

The week following the shocking miscarriage event, I’ll be honest, I drank kind of a lot.  I’m not much of a drinker so it probably wasn’t a lot to most people, but for me, it was.  The month prior to getting pregnant, my husband and I participated in the month long elimination diet “Whole 30”.  Alcohol is one of the “eliminated” items on the list so between that and almost three months of pregnancy, I had turned into a pretty cheap date.  I wouldn’t say it was an unhealthy amount of alcohol consumption, but it was a great reason to meet up with some friends, laugh and almost forget for a moment, what I had just been through, was still going through.  That first week, I booked my (introverted) self solid.  I planned drinks out with friends, coffee dates, dinners, house projects, and outings with my almost 5 year old.  Oh and I chopped off two feet of hair the next day.  How’s that for an obvious and desperate attempt at control?!  I allowed for the bare minimum down time possible.  Really, I was filling my time with as much happiness and good memories as possible.  I could not, would not, allow myself to sit and wallow in it.  If I allowed that for myself immediately following, I may not have been able to pull myself out of it.

Week two, I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone.  I wrote a lot, drank less, went to bed early.  I went to work, and it was really really hard.  By the end of that week, I had a melt down.  I was still bleeding, my clothes fit fine and they shouldn’t have by then and I thought a lot about what had happened and how sad it all was.  I was sad and I think it was ok and absolutely justified.

Week three, I’d finally stopped bleeding and I had read, talked and written enough to have processed a lot of my feelings.  Back to the excellent buzz of a glass of wine.  No shame, momma.  Pour yourself a glass {because you can, dammit} and put your feet up.  Do what makes you happy in this very sad time.  Do what YOU need for yourself.  Cope how you feel works for you.  I would recommend wine {or beer, or a nice stiff margarita} to make the ride taste a little better.

adult beautiful blur close up
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